Ouch I have done it again

[gwyn]

My head hurts So. Goddamn. Much.

The biopsy came back as they expected, basal cell cancer, at the top edge of that, and since it's at my hairline they wanted to do this special surgery type called Mohs. I guess it's designed to create less scarring and preserve more skin, since it's at the hairline. But that meant I had to go to a different office up the hill from my clinic, and they only do it in the mornings--you wait, basically, while they test the margins, and then if they haven't got all of the cancer, they cut some more out and stitch you up. I always warn people that I bleed like a stuck pig, but they never believe me; I also tell them about my freakishly sensitive skin, and how fast local anesthetic dissipates in me, but they never pay attention. So of course they were cutting into me and I flinched, and they had to give me more.

They let you sit in the main area while you wait, or a small private room, which is where I opted to wait so I could work on my last chapter of Celluloid Hero, so I can get it done and beta'd and posted on my birthday next week. I was typing away when I thought, why is my face wet? And sure enough, blood was pouring out under the bandage and down my face. I had to go " Excuse me? I might need another bandage" to the receptionist, and then there was a flurry of activity because of course the doctor was doing surgery on other patients, so they didn't have a free room. The pressure bandage fucking hurt.

Anyways, they came back and said they'd got it all, and stitched me up, but of course the anesthetic wore off and that fucking hurt. Scalp wounds are notorious bleeders and your skin can be really sensitive there (fighting tip: if you can't get a better disabling technique in, grabbing hair and pulling out a chunk can be an amazingly effective move), but man, that was unpleasant. They had to cut some of my hair there because the stitches were vertical rather than horizontal, which was what I'd expected--which means my bangs, which are already terrible and operate on a mind of their own, are going to look AWFUL for a really long time.

It itches like fuck, and my sensitivity to even paper tape is making it worse, but mostly it just fucking hurts, in some ways worse than the goddamn colon surgery. My forehead is swollen like Elephant Man, and they warned me I might get black eyes, but I wasn't expecting that I'd have black eyes andswollen lids and bridge of nose. The ladies at the pet store yesterday, when I had to go pick up some litter for Blues, kind of gasped when they saw me.

I really should have begged for a prescription for just a few hydromorphone pills. They never want to give me one, everyone's convinced tylenol is a useful substance, and you can't have doctors call them in anymore because of the opioid crisis (just, fuck this country), so unless I wanted to go all the way back there, I wouldn't be able to get one even if my begging bore fruit. I got to a point where I was just fuck this, I'm taking ibuprofen, even if it'll make me bleed more. It hasn't helped much, I still can't sleep because it hurts so damn much, but a tiny bit is better than nothing.

At least I got to take the pressure bandage off today and wash my hair around the incision, because the mats were gross. And at least it didn't stain my clothes.


I am really done with having bits and pieces of me cut out!

Comments

[batwrangler]

Sending very gentle hugs if you want them.

[gwyn]

Thank you!

[kore]

Well, at least yay for it being basal and not malignant, but OWFUCK and the aftermath sounds nasty as hell. //offers hugs too

which is where I opted to wait so I could work on my last chapter of Celluloid Hero

Man, you're like T -- he insisted on having his laptop with him whenever he was in the hospital for cardiac stuff so he could work. I admire that kind of ethic! If I get the tiniest head cold I turn into Camille.

[gwyn]

Honestly, if I hadn't set myself a ridic deadline of posting the last chapters by my birthday I would have been reading fanfic or tumblr or something on my iPad. The weirdest thing is just looking at my face--it's so puffed and it kind of reminds me of the Beast in the old series, you know, Ron Perelman--the bridge of my nose and inside corners of my eyes are all pushed out, making me look like I have that animal face or something. It's so weird.

[musesfool]

*hugs*

[cupcake_goth]

I hope it heals quickly and easily, and I hope that you don't have to have any more bits of you cut out!

[gwyn]

Thank you! Yeah, this is getting really old really fast.

[aurumcalendula]

*hugs*

[dorinda]

Mannnnnnn. *hugs* Maybe this will make some of them think twice next time they blithely don't believe a patient?

(haha yeah, dream on, I know.)

[gwyn]

Yeah, it's just so strange--like, at the dermatologist and then at this one, they listened to me, and they were like, okay, we have lots of bleeder patients, thanks for letting us know, etc. and they put a pressure bandage on, but it's never enough. Like I think they just assume that what's enough for everyone else should be sufficient. I hate to be melodramatic, but I guess I'm going to have to be.

[sineala]

*hugs*

[destina]

I wish I could give you a hug at this moment, but since I can't, I'll just send as many good thoughts and virtual hugs as possible.

[gwyn]

Thank you! It helps!

[catwalksalone]

*so many hugs for you*

Have you given a thought to naproxen? We can’t get it without prescription here (unless you buy the expensive Feminax Ultra and only get a few tablets, which is not enough for your husband’s gout, let me tell you, though he got very adept at buying pills “for my wife”, thus receiving much pharmacist approval for being so unafraid of menstruation. What is this world we live in, again?) but you guys can and it’s a stronger anti-inflammatory than ibuprofen. Taken over a couple of days it’s unlikely to affect bleeding much. It’s generally long-term use of NSAIDs that causes problems.

[gwyn]

I'd always been told there wasn't much difference between naproxen and ibuprofen in the over the counter stuff so I didn't realize that, but I've been taking my prescription-strength naproxen just because nothing was helping, and at this point I don't care if I bleed more! I didn't realize you guys couldn't get it--that explains why last time I was over there I couldn't find much I could use! Good for your husband, though, for figuring on a workaround… Hey, next time you're over here, we should get you some Costco sized bottles of it or something, though I suppose they inspect your luggage at customs in case you're smuggling.

[sperrywink]

So many {{{hugs}}}.

Yeah, my brother had nose surgery and his eye swelled so much, it was dangerous. You gotta be careful with that. I hope you feel better soon. 2 black, swollen eyes sucks too.

[gwyn]

Was it dangerous because of pressure? Inquiring minds want to know…it's slightly less swollen but still pretty bad.

[sperrywink]

Exactly. The pain became excruciating, and it was because the pressure was squeezing his eyeball. So yeah. If it becomes extra painful, get it checked out.

[ratcreature]

Much sympathies.

[machinistm]

*hugs gently*

[rainkatt]

All the sympathies, and hugs if you want ‘em.

Tylenol is the most useless drug ever.

[gwyn]

Every time someone says "take Tylenol" I laugh in their face. I took it when I got home from the hospital, because they said it would interact better with the serious painkillers and it was mostly for inflammation, but yeah, it is just not useful.

[mackiemesser]

I'm glad to hear that it was basal and could be taken care of so quickly, but, yikes!, that's a shit experience. I don't know why so many health professionals act like if they give you an extra bandage or anything then the universe will collapse or something. Is this some weird holdover from ye olden times when they just had people bite something for pain?/rhetorical

The opioid thing is just being mishandled so badly. They're so busy trying to manage the small symptoms that they're never going to address the actual problem. (I used to have to sign some kind of DEA form saying I wouldn't sell drugs every time I went to the vet to pick up tramadol for Hagrid's arthritis pain.)

[gwyn]

I think they really believe they believe me, and are acting accordingly, but…man. The pressure bandage they put on afterward though was insane--it stuck out about an inch and a half and made me look like I was growing a second head.

[mackiemesser]

It's like when I tell people I have a high pain tolerance, and then they're surprised when I don't flinch or complain. I am telling them this for A Reason.

I shouldn't laugh, but I'm blackly amused by the "Oh shit! She wasn't kidding!" swing to over-compensate...

[sdwolfpup]

Meeeep. That sounds like a terrible experience. I hope you get to stay far away from surgical knives for a long, long time. *hugs*

[roga]

Oh god this sounds so awful. *hugs, but gently*

[grammarwoman]

Ugh, doctors and bodies and pain - I am so sorry that things suck so hard for you right now. *HUGS* and support to you. I am also looking forward to reading the completed CH - go you!