With a lock of your hair in hand
Jul. 3rd, 2020 01:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwynWithout the Justified rewatch anymore, I don't know what day it is. It helped having a Tuesday thing to do every week, even if sometimes I scrambled because I forgot what day it was. Since I started working freelance from home years ago, I tend to forget the calendar anyway, but without even having weekend get togethers with people and such, there's no distinction between days of the week, and no distinction between the middle of the work and the weekend. On Sundays, the local gang does a zoom meetup, but it's definitely not the same as our monthly bashes and food and talking in person.
I got my hair cut last week, though! I was hesitant to go—I really didn't want to just take for granted that someone was putting themselves in danger just so we could get our hair fixed, and it's not like I go anywhere anyway. But my hair is ridiculously thick, and I got such a terrible cut and color last New Year's, that it was growing out really badly and I just wanted the bulk taken out so bad. I did have a good conversation with the hairdresser, though, and I always try to tip people really generously who are doing services in this terrible timeline.
My hair looked SO GOOD for a few days (I am hair impaired) and it felt like five pounds had been lifted off my head. At one point, he asked me hesitatntly, "Did the cut look like...a mullet?" and I was like, OMG yes! And later he pointed out that it was lopsided too, which I was so relieved because I kept thinking it was my imagination. It was also just so good to see people and talk to familiar people and all the precautions were worth it, to just get out of the house and see people and talk to someone.
I also went to Nordstrom Rack and picked up the jeans I'd left for alterations back in mid-March. I had been worried they might not be there, but they said they were done and we could enter the store, so I put on my stuff and got my santizer and everything, but they weren't ready. So I had to go back down again, and finally picked them up, so exciting. Now I have a couple pairs of not falling apart jeans but nowhere to really wear them. Har har. They were doing a good job of allowing people in but when you can't try things on, it's hard to want to really shop, though it didn't seem to stop a lot of people.
I've been mostly keeping a low profile and not really talking to people as much as I used to. I try to comment on DW and tumblr sometimes, but right now I'm hating a lot of people and it's safer for me to not read or interact the way I used to. It's mostly centered around this bullshit Karen crap, it's causing me a lot of heartache right now and like I get where people are coming from, but it's cruel. That was sis_r's name—my deceased twin sister—and every time someone sneeringly uses that as shorthand for shitty white women it's like being stabbed in the heart. It makes me feel like I'm back there watching her die, watching her suffer, and I can't handle it.
I even unfollowed someone I've known nearly since the beginnings of my time in fandom & in RL, because she keeps posting these justifications for the "meme," which is a nice convenient way of diminishing turning a name a lot of people have into an insult. My sister was a good person, who was involved in a lot of volunteer things that did a lot of good for people and for animals, and when we had a small service for her at her house after she died, a surprising number of people flew across the country with just 24 hours' notice to be there--because she was very loved by a lot of people (and not all of them white). She mentored younger women who wanted to get into her work, she risked her life doing animal rescue in the wildfires. Every time someone refers to shitty white women (and I never see anything comparable for men) with her name, it makes me cry. So I just have to remove myself; I don't see this getting better, people have latched on to it because hardy har it's so funny to denigrate shitty people that way. I hate hating everyone, but that's how I'm feeling lately.
I got my hair cut last week, though! I was hesitant to go—I really didn't want to just take for granted that someone was putting themselves in danger just so we could get our hair fixed, and it's not like I go anywhere anyway. But my hair is ridiculously thick, and I got such a terrible cut and color last New Year's, that it was growing out really badly and I just wanted the bulk taken out so bad. I did have a good conversation with the hairdresser, though, and I always try to tip people really generously who are doing services in this terrible timeline.
My hair looked SO GOOD for a few days (I am hair impaired) and it felt like five pounds had been lifted off my head. At one point, he asked me hesitatntly, "Did the cut look like...a mullet?" and I was like, OMG yes! And later he pointed out that it was lopsided too, which I was so relieved because I kept thinking it was my imagination. It was also just so good to see people and talk to familiar people and all the precautions were worth it, to just get out of the house and see people and talk to someone.
I also went to Nordstrom Rack and picked up the jeans I'd left for alterations back in mid-March. I had been worried they might not be there, but they said they were done and we could enter the store, so I put on my stuff and got my santizer and everything, but they weren't ready. So I had to go back down again, and finally picked them up, so exciting. Now I have a couple pairs of not falling apart jeans but nowhere to really wear them. Har har. They were doing a good job of allowing people in but when you can't try things on, it's hard to want to really shop, though it didn't seem to stop a lot of people.
I've been mostly keeping a low profile and not really talking to people as much as I used to. I try to comment on DW and tumblr sometimes, but right now I'm hating a lot of people and it's safer for me to not read or interact the way I used to. It's mostly centered around this bullshit Karen crap, it's causing me a lot of heartache right now and like I get where people are coming from, but it's cruel. That was sis_r's name—my deceased twin sister—and every time someone sneeringly uses that as shorthand for shitty white women it's like being stabbed in the heart. It makes me feel like I'm back there watching her die, watching her suffer, and I can't handle it.
I even unfollowed someone I've known nearly since the beginnings of my time in fandom & in RL, because she keeps posting these justifications for the "meme," which is a nice convenient way of diminishing turning a name a lot of people have into an insult. My sister was a good person, who was involved in a lot of volunteer things that did a lot of good for people and for animals, and when we had a small service for her at her house after she died, a surprising number of people flew across the country with just 24 hours' notice to be there--because she was very loved by a lot of people (and not all of them white). She mentored younger women who wanted to get into her work, she risked her life doing animal rescue in the wildfires. Every time someone refers to shitty white women (and I never see anything comparable for men) with her name, it makes me cry. So I just have to remove myself; I don't see this getting better, people have latched on to it because hardy har it's so funny to denigrate shitty people that way. I hate hating everyone, but that's how I'm feeling lately.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-03 11:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-04 01:12 am (UTC)I'm sorry it's been so rough.
I don't like the Karen thing either (know several very kind and compassionate Karens), but don't know how to push back against it without getting the label applied to me. I understand the need to have a term for that kind of white lady racism, but the way I see it wielded seems more like plain sexism as often as not.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-04 01:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-04 02:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-04 02:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-04 02:22 am (UTC)Anyway, we need a new term for that flavour of officious appeal to authority white lady racism. This one is balls.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-04 01:41 am (UTC)(My stepsister's name is Karen, but we don't get along, but it's still weird to see that name used to mock a specific class of people.)
no subject
Date: 2020-07-04 02:41 am (UTC)I'm so sorry that the Karen meme is painful for you. It's so prevalent right now that I can't imagine how hard it is to avoid it, but I think it's smart for you to just get away from it as much as you can. Names are important to people and I don't think people consider that when they use a name as shorthand.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-04 03:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-04 07:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-04 06:18 pm (UTC)I don't think names should *ever* be used to taunt or tease: It's horrible and harmful and just another way to bully.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-05 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-08 12:08 am (UTC)I really don't get the Karen thing, it wasn't a common name where I was growing up, and I'm as boomer as it gets. I think using SWW would make much more sense, as it's far more descriptive.
Take care, OK?
no subject
Date: 2020-07-09 01:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-09 02:05 pm (UTC)