It's been such a long time

[gwyn]

Wow, very long time since I posted anything besides the last story announcement for intoabar. I keep meaning to post, and then I get seized with ennui or pain or just a general feeling that there's too much to handle. Right now, I'm avoiding dealing with the heatwave we're in, and trying to spend a little time in a cooler space even though it's hell on my spine issues.

I had planned to have a year of health catch-up events scheduled, and was doing somewhat okay about it: had my long-delayed followup colonoscopy in March, and that went well and I have now graduated to being able to go five years in between procedures. It helps a lot because they really do a number on me; I've had people constantly dismiss them to me, insisting it's no big deal and implying I'm a baby, but I'm like, you didn't get cancer the first time you did one, so shut up. So being able to go to a five-year schedule is big, and I asked him before the procedure what the odds were that I'd have cancer again and he said, "You won't get cancer again. Now that we know what we know, you have your colonoscopies and if there are polyps, we cut them out before they can become cancerous." So I thought that was interesting. I knew it was usually slow growing, but I hadn't realized quite how much. It's weird, as much as I learned about colon cancer when dealing with it, I don't think I still really knew much about it at all.

Then I had to get my eyes checked, because I have been unable to see clearly for some time and needed new prescriptions. I have really unusual issues so I cannot just get cheap glasses online, and I was waffling for a long time about going to my longtime eye doctor or the new place up the street, but ended up deciding to brave the awful trip downtown to see my regular guy, just because they know all my weird problems. It's been...challenging, nothing is working out right and I'm having to keep going back and I know they're as frustrated as I am. When I made the appointment, they said I hadn't been in since 2017, and I was sure that was wrong--till I realized that oh yeah, that made sense. A few months after my last visit there, I got diagnosed with the colon cancer, so yeah durr, it had been a really long time.

I got one thing that worked out though--he recommended occupational lenses, or computer glasses, and they kept saying their clients always said they were life-changing. I was skeptical, but goddamn, they really are. You're not supposed to see well with distance with them, but I actually do see pretty well, but for the minute detail I have to see, especially when I'm proofreading, they're a game changer. If you have trouble with computer work, I highly recommend giving these glasses a try.

Then I had planned my yearly exam (and last pap test ever! the only thing good about getting old!), and then finding a new dentist since I haven't been since before the pandemic, but I got derailed by yet another skin cancer on my face. So I have to go in next Wednesday and get my face cut up again, and practically bleed to death, and try to get them to give me legit painkillers without treating me like an addict. So excited.

My physical went okay, even with the lecture about my usual high cholesterol and how I'm gonna have a heart attack or stroke. I have always had naturally high bad cholesterol, but it gets worse as I get older. Shrug. I actually don't care. I have no interest in living a long time. I do have a serious sodium problem, though, in that it's really low because I take a diuretic, and that explains my chronic lightheadedness and other issues.

I had no idea that they had developed vaccines for pneumococcus and hepatitis B. It almost made me cry to get the shots for them--I couldn't help thinking of the years I volunteered at an AIDS help organization in the late '80s-90s, and how prevalent hep B was among the patients. How amazing a vaccine could have been then. And I guess there's also one for A, and while C doesn't have one, it does have much better treatment options now. It's a weird thing to get emotional about, but there you are.

I also finally got my car in for servicing, but alas, discovered some big issues to fix, and then I want to get some things addressed on my house, but I'll have to see what happens with the face surgery. That'll be a lot of money. And my regular client is not paying me, and I'm stressing the fuck out about that. I can't tell if he's just being flakey as usual or ghosting me. But I have some really fun upcoming work two great authors, so that's something to look forward to. Also Blues gets his checkup on Monday, and that always ends in him having to have a dental, so...not excited about that. The universe giveth, the universe taketh away.

I am working on the next chapter of Reverie. I dropped off the face of the earth as far as anyone knew after the last chapter, a fucking year ago in August, and I feel so ashamed. I've only written three things since then, all short stuff, and it makes me feel so guilty that the like three people reading it were left hanging.

Then I got a really weird idea for a kind of 616/MCU canon divergent AU that I think is so dumb and odd that it would have an audience of maybe two people, but I can't stop thinking about it, so I need to complete Reverie so I can tackle it.

Anyways, that's mostly it. Just enduring, waiting till our bridge is said to be reopening in September and going to do things outside my neighborhood won't be an hours-long torture affair, and trying not to melt into a puddle of sweat. How's by you?

Comments

[raine]

Good to read your update, even though it seems life's been very eventful since your last one. ((hugs)) Hope everything goes well with the surgery!

[jenab]

I went to a new eye doctor and he recommended the same thing. I need to start using progressive lenses and use computer glasses for work. Since I'm turning 50 this year I'm splurging on a really nice pair of new frames.

Next on the agenda is finding a dentist. All my health professionals are in another city and they are all great at their jobs and I hate trying to find new ones where I am.

I'm feeling the ennui as well. This year feels like a mixture of boredom and processing grief and tramua from the pandemic.

[mackiemesser]

Kinda feels like we're stuck in a "mixed=bag" time loop, a bit. I'm glad about the good stuff, sorry to hear about the not-so-good stuff, and ugh about the dentist. Bodies - so much work!

[musesfool]

*hugs*

I hope the surgery goes well and you have a quick and easy recovery!

[kore]

The heat wave last year was horrific, but at least the very highest temps lasted only two days. First the weather forecasts kept saying it would end on Friday, then Saturday, now SUNDAY....it's ridiculous. We're going for the longest time Seattle has been above 95F I think? and even if that's not so, it's five degrees hotter at least in our apartment because it's the top floor, there's no central A/C and it's very poorly insulated. Plus I'm sick, and heat this bad makes me sick, so I'm not going to start recovering until Monday I guess.

[harpers_child]

Fistbump of solidarity for low sodium.

[gwyn]

I fell into a blue funk after this post, so I'm only now getting around to answering comments, which I apologize for. This was such a lovely comment, and I really appreciate it. Getting the approval to not have colonoscopies every other year was just like...it felt like such a weight lifting. Things went better when they gave me an alternative to the prep liquid, but it was still such a challenge, not least of which was finding someone to take me. And honestly, randoms on the internet have often been a huge help!

Man, getting the COVID jab at that point would have absolutely been tear-inducing! I'm just always so impressed when the podcast I listen to, This Podcast Will Kill You, mentions a vaccine or that one is being developed or worked on. I'm a child of the '60s, I know how life-changing they are, I will never not see them as miracles.

[pallas_rose]

I whoops accidentally deleted my previous comment. I did not mean to do that. My well-wishes on your clean scope continue. I feel like an old lady who ruined a Blockbuster tape by misusing her VCR (shamed). Seems like decades of reading LJ/dreamwidth does not a facile user make.

That said, this random on the internet would gladly answer any weird questions about surgery you have! I'll keep reading what you write as usual and pop up PRN, as we say.

I hope your blue funk is better!

[spikedluv]

That's . . . a lot. I'm happy for the good things, and commiserate with you on the not great things. I'm sending positive vibes into the universe for your surgery.

[kass]

Yay for knowing that colon cancer will not return!!! that's tremendous -- I am so fucking glad.

[carbonel]

Good to see you posting. I keep reading, even though I'm terribly remiss on posting. I never took to Twitter, but Discord seems to be filling that "I want to tell people something" urge for me, mostly.

I've had computer glasses for a decade or so. I won't say life-changing, but they do make life a bit simpler.

[applenym]

I keep meaning to post, and then I get seized with ennui or pain or just a general feeling that there's too much to handle. Same here. Lots of thoughts, can't find the wherewithal to write them down.

I get a colonoscopy every two years, and they are absolutely a big deal! Experience has made me an expert at getting through the process, but they'll always be a major speed bump in my life.

I got computer glasses a few years ago. They've made a big difference in reducing headaches, eye strain, etc. I highly recommend them. I'm not able to tolerate progressive lenses, so I'm grateful to have an alternative, even if it means I need to tote around 2 or 3 different pairs all the time.