Hmmmmm

[gwyn]

So, say you were to wish to make a vid about people doing brave or heroic things or trying of making the world a better place, discovering their inner superhero. Stuff with more of a fantasy element than a horror/faced with trauma but sticking it out kinda thing. What would you want in that vid?

I'm thinking Star Wars (the originals, duh), Harry Potter, Star Trek movies, ET, prooooobably the Avengers movies in their discover phases but not totally sure, and I can't decide about Lord of the Rings. And here's what else I can't decide: whether to go for TV because then one gets Buffy, Firefly, Angel, but one also has to deal with the nightmare of aspect ratios for the 4:3 shows mixed with movies in the 16:9 and of course the widescreen tv in between. Or, also, whether to include animation in it (such as the Pixar films).

This hypothetical vid is going to take the better half of a year, I just know it, and I can't start until I stop dithering. Help.

I plan to write about Vividcon here at some point. I finally got the last of the books kicking my ass off on Monday and am now trying to catch up on the new books that are less ass-kicky but still need doing. I haven't had any time at all to deal with con reports. It will be so long gone that it won't matter, but I still want to write it down for me.

I've also been dealing with a difficult foster dog -- a chihuahua named Gizmo, who's pretty much the tiniest dog I have ever seen and a real sweetie, but who was peeing FOR DAYS on my coffee table and my very expensive rug I bought for my birthday last fall before I found out. I did at least see the poop every day -- even with the door open and him able to come and go as he pleased, he would come inside and crap on the rug. Every. Single. Day. And unbeknownst to me, also peeing. The Fuzzy Wuzzy Rug Co. (seriously, wouldn't you hire a company called Fuzzy Wuzzy? I mean, I ask you) came and took it away this week, but they said it's unlikely the yellow stain will come out completely. I am bereft. I love that rug, and I'm just sick at having it be ruined before it's even a year old.

So I got some homemade belly bands from one of the rescue people, we call it his panties, and put a maxi-pad in it. He does not like wearing it, but it seems to be doing the trick -- the other day he actually went and stood by the back door, so I took it off and he went out and peed AND pooped outside. I was very proud -- it's so sad that my life revolves around a thing that isn't even two pounds, and whether it goes potty. Getting him to go potty is just...an ordeal. Every night we go through this ritual, and now I have to put him on the leash and take him outside the back yard to get him to go before I gate him up in the kitchen. He hates that too, or being put in his crate when I go away, but I can't trust him even with his panties on, so... I think he's starting to understand that the house is not for potty, unless it's on the piddle pads -- this morning I got up later than usual and he'd actually peed on the piddle pad. Progress comes in small steps.

My friends are always going on about how they'd never have female dogs, blah blah, and I will say that I have never had a female foster pee in the house unless it was on a pad, and they've only ever pooped as an accident and made sure to do it on the tile. THe males have consistently been the ones who have chronic accidents and marking behavior, and it really enrages me when there's no reason -- door's wide open, they can go outside and mark to their heart's content. Gah. This makes me more intent than ever that I'm getting a female when I finally settle on one dog (she said, after falling in love with two of her male dogs).

I had my official assessment last week on my fitness training. It was...depressing. I haven't budged one ounce on weight, and only .07 on body fat. The numbers for the breathing test and my blood pressure were a lot better so they're trying to encourage me to focus on that, and I might have lost one or two inches in fatness size, I don't know. They keep hammering on the eating aspect. I know this is a big issue. I don't eat often enough and when I do it's often not the right thing I need. they recommended this service called Chef by Request, where they focus on the right nutrition for people in fitness programs and bring you all your meals, plus snacks, but the bastards haven't bothered to call me back and I kind of thought, fuck it, if I'm going to pay that much money for basically a personal chef service that's not entirely personal, why not just get a real personal chef.

This has actually turned out to be harder than I thought, as every time I found someone who sounded good, they don't come to my neck of the woods. I'm going to call a guy today who might be a possibility. I couldn't possibly feel more like a douchebag than to hire a personal chef, but...I'm losing the war with my nutrition/eating, and I know that, and I may not make the kind of real progress I'd like if I don't do something. I can cook, but I'm often so drowned in work and so stressed out that I can't, and I'm a sucky cook who's afraid of complicated recipes so I stick to things that might not really work for what I need to do. And I've been trying to do a lot of things for other people with my dad's money, so maybe I should try to do something for myself.

I also called a housecleaning service and they came last week and did a deep clean, and will be coming every couple weeks. This was a hard thing for me to do -- I like everything just so, and they put stuff back in the wrong places, etc., but I can't even take the time to clean my house and I'm a neat freak. It's just gotten to a place where I want to cry all the time looking at how shitty everything looks, and I'm scared because there are spiders everywhere from the fact that there are cobwebs everywhere because I can't find the time to clean under and around stuff. At some point you have to ask yourself if your OCD is more important to you than having your house livable, and if you're working to live or living to work. Like they always say, no one ever said on their deathbed that they wished they'd worked more.

I'll see how it goes, but boy do I feel like an assface for having a housecleaner and a personal chef (maybe). I'm an old, single, fat, freelancer with no social life, but hey, someone comes to clean my house and make me food! ::dies of shame:: My mom would probably be rolling her eyes in a Tony Stark-level face, but my sister and dad would probably go, good for you. I never know which ghost to listen to. It's hard to let go of "things I can do for myself" and think more in terms of "things I don't do for myself but I should."

I'm also in the middle of trying to remodel/redecorate. It took me until this year to figure out that whenever someone I love dies, I go into remodeling mode. I did it after mom, I did it after my second mom Mrs. O, I did it in a huge way after sis_r, and now after dad_r. I don't know why I didn't see the pattern before, but there it is.

Maybe when all this is done and I've settled into being a douche who hires people to do things she can do, I'll have more time to write fic and...gasp! real writing, and vid. If I can ever figure out how I want that vid to go.

Have another Hawaii pic. I think, though am not entirely sure, this may be a peach palm.

Comments

[montanaharper]

It's hard to let go of "things I can do for myself" and think more in terms of "things I don't do for myself but I should."

One of the things I learned early on when it came to having my own business: making myself do housework because I have the ability to (whether or not I want to), just to avoid spending money, is often a false economy. Paying $10 an hour* for a maid service, which allowed me to do paying work at $25 an hour* instead of unpaid housework...well, when you look at the numbers like that it just makes sense, right?

*circa 1990.

[dorothy1901]

We live in a society that has several assumptions about housekeeping: that it's unpaid labor, that it's woman's work, that it's the way a woman expresses her attachment for her home and family, etc.

Deny the assumptions. Do what works best for you. Housekeeping is not a moral issue.

[devilc]

Time is money, and there are times when it's worth your money (and peace of mind) to hire a cleaning service.

[elynross]

I am *all* over having someone in to clean, me. Yeah, it's hard to get used to someone doing things differently, and things not being exactly where you want them, but I got used to it. And in exchange, I come home, and things are cleaner than when I left!

I also think that if you have goals and you know you can't meet them on your own, there's absolutely nothing wrong with paying someone to help you. Think of paying someone to make your meals as the same sort of thing as paying a trainer to keep you on target with exercise, maybe? However it helps, you totally deserve to do things for yourself. <3

[laurashapiro]

Re your vid: I think you can spare yourself a lot of angst by keeping it to movie heroes only. I am a big fan of self-imposed limitations on source (not clipping every episode, not including every show, etc.) if they help you get the vid done.

[alexfandra.livejournal.com]

Condolences on your rug, but congrats on finally making some housetraining progress with poor Gizmo.

Marking isn't restricted to males -- females can do it just as much.

Truman is making progress -- he's asking to go out now, though he drives me nuts when it's nice outside because he wants to go every fifteen minutes to play, not just to go potty. This week we are experiencing the Adjustment to the Pet Sitter -- the first day, he ran straight to the sofa when she opened the crate, and peed on it. Good thing I didn't have the new sofa yet. Today she managed to pick him up from the crate and get him straight to the outside with a just a little minor leakage. Tomorrow Michelle gets to give it a go.

Remodeling? I like your home just fine the way it is. It's lovely. Trade ya anytime!

[unovis.livejournal.com]

If it works, it works.
As much as I love to cook and to cook for other people, I have trouble feeding myself properly (or at all) when I'm working. I envy you your chef!

Good luck with Gizmo. It sounds like he's improving.

[nagasvoice.livejournal.com]

Good luck with Gizmo. Also, working that hard, you've certainly got reason to pay somebody who's going to be very efficient about it.
I know some folks would rail about spending money on things you could do yourself, but those folks are not valuing the cost of your labor. If you get paid four times what a maid service does, per hour, and you do overtime or freelance or just project-based stuff (get it done sooner is better) then it makes more sense to do the better-paid work during that time and hire somebody cheaper to do the housework. Also it helps out somebody else by hiring them. Plus, in the case of the chef at least, we tend to assume that's work they want to be doing.

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

Galaxy Quest? Sucker Punch? Hancock? (Is it supposed to be teams/groups of people?) The Matrix? Will think on this. :)

*hugs*

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

I would suggest Juliet Parrish from V The Final Battle (played by Faye Grant). She was just a med student; didn't have any super powers or anything. But she was the 1st female character that I ever thought of as heroic in her own right.

[mackiemesser.livejournal.com]

While the maid service not putting everything back is annoying, removing spiderweb stress seems like a very good idea!

Chihuahuas, man. *shakes head* I have strong opinions on that breed.

[amnisias.livejournal.com]

Ha! I have no compunction at all to pay people to do stuff I don't want to waste time on and have more time for things I enjoy. I've got a gardening service and a cleaner coming round. I actually moved into a bigger house so that I could have a cleaner without looking ridiculous.