LJ angst

[gwyn]

I feel so guilty -- I haven't checked my user info page in a while and there's all these people I haven't friended, and found I'd been defriended a bit as well. I feel so boring and stupid -- I rarely have anything to say, which is why I didn't do a personal page but more focused on reviews for the main part, only there's little to review lately. I need to go in and manage my list, but I never seem to get around to it.

Someone brought up at a get-together this weekend the fact that life on LJ would be simpler if they had called it "gentle reader" and I can't help but agree. The term friend is so fraught, and now I'm thinking that rather than pruning their lists, the defriending of late has a more censorious nature because I'm boring or stupid or annoying or whatever. Paranoia, thy name is Gwyneth. But I've always been like this; furtively looking over my shoulder to see who's coming at me with a knife. So when I prune or add, which I need to get off my fat lazy ass and do, will I induce paranoia in others? It's a minefield!

And I lead such a dull, tedious, and boring life, it wouldn't be worth turning it more personal. I haven't any cool life-changing plans, dramatic angst, or interesting relationships to share. It must be summer ennui. All I do is work, write, vid, and watch stuff. I've been getting into Horatio Hornblower a bit, but nothing's made me jump fannishly. I admire all the people on my friends page who are pursuing commercial fiction, wishing I had their confidence and energy because I talk myself out of pursuing my own real life writing on a daily basis. So cool to see others doing it, and I hope, at some point, maybe inspiring too.

Now I have to go furtively prune and add to my list, looking over my shoulder. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Comments

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

Quite fond of the "gentle reader" idea... & ;-)

And you shouldn't worry (easy to say, I know)-- if you feel like posting your thoughts and ideas, we'll be thrilled to read them. Never seen one of your comments or essays that I didn't find thought-inspiring and interesting.

Cheers,

M.

[dettiot.livejournal.com]

I've had similiar moments of paranoia, but I usually just say to myself that it's all in the eye of the beholder. To me, my life looks pretty boring, but who knows what someone else might think?

[chrisjournal.livejournal.com]

Awww. I think everyone gets paranoid at this whole 'friend' thing...

And for the record, your journal entries are consistently wonderful. I truly enjoy reading them. I sometimes think that there is a transient bunch of LJ readers who friend authors in hopes of reading snippets, then abandon ship when they don't find them consistently.

I'll be reading as long as you're writing.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I was doing pretty good about the friend thing till so many people ditched me! LOL Anyways, I have to say that it had never occurred to me about the snippets, and that's probably a good point. Although I feel even guiltier if I'm not entertaining enough because I don't post snippets! I'll be walking around the house wringing my hands, angsting over not snippeting. ;-)

[aerye.livejournal.com]

What chrisjournal said. I always enjoy you.

[tir.livejournal.com]

I like your entries, too. And oh my, what an icon you've got there. mmmmm. :-)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Ain't he pretty? Feel free to take if you want -- tzikeh made it for me in like five minutes after I'd been struggling for days to make one. I'm not destined for icon making; fortunately I have pros to turn to.

A while ago my friend Jo and I wanted to start a fandom -- based around The Driver from The Hire series. I told her if she came up with a plausible plot, I'd create the character and write the story, and we wanted to vid, too. Here we had grandiose plans for creating a fandom, but we never pursued it. The icon's as close as I got. ;-)

[tir.livejournal.com]

Clive Owen is indeed very pretty. And if you ever decide to start that fandom, you can count me in. Did you know that he's playing King Arthur in a forthcoming film? The very thought makes me swoon.

Anyway, with so many icons and so little space (I also have no icon talent but have very kind friends), I won't be using it right away, but I might later. Thanks for offering to share him!

[sweet-ali.livejournal.com]

Oh, hon, you know i love your entries. They always make me think...which is good for me, i promise.

Quick note: I happily received your story and will have time to beta for you, but not until tomorrow. I will most probably get it back to you by Wednesday.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Hey, cool! Look forward to hearing from you!

LJ Angst?

[namastenancy.livejournal.com]

Now, now, be not paranoid. Maybe those other people had too much to handle in their lives off -line. I know that the Internet can be overwhelming and there are so many LJ's, so many blog's and so little time. As for me, I look at your page every day. I find your essays erudite and witty and perceptive; your fiction marvelously well written. So, Gentle Writer (and reader), consider me one of your fans - and a friend as well, if you will let me be.

namaste SF Nancy

[claudia-yvr.livejournal.com]

I just stumbled across your LJ and it's wonderful, chockful of thoughtful essays, dorky confessions and random asides that I can really relate to.

I sometimes get a little paranoid about my journal, as well. I think most people do, because it's an odd situation. I mean, it's your journal, so you should write what you want without worrying about whether anyone's judging the content, yet it's out there for public perusal and by extension, public judgment.

It's a bit trippy, and I find it sometimes brings out a kind of weirdness in me reminiscent of my high school days.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Sorry I didn't respond sooner -- I got wack busy yesterday, and it was really strange! But thank you, I'm glad you're having fun -- and yeah, LJ is a weird hybrid of showoffy place and personal rumination area that doesn't really mix, but occupies the same space. I still have wiggins about being here a lot of times, and will just stop posting, then get better. I never know how I feel!

[claudia-yvr.livejournal.com]

Sorry I didn't respond sooner -- I got wack busy yesterday

No problem - I know what that's like, lol!