Farther on down the road
Feb. 13th, 2005 07:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwynI'm not sure how much I'll be around for a while. My sister's friend called me last night to tell me that she had taken her to the emergency room and they found she had a bowel obstruction, and did some tests prior to emergency surgery to perform a colostomy. They found that the cancer has spread to her liver and that it is untreatable. She will be in the hospital for five days or so, barring any infections, which are always possible with this type of problem.
At this point we don't really have much time with her, it sounds like. I haven't had a chance to get information that isn't being filtered by other people, and my sister isn't totally lucid right now, so I don't know what the extent of the illness is and how far it will progress, but so far all of this has happened very quickly and savagely, so I don't anticipate a lot of time. Right now my dad and I are trying to figure out how/when to get down there to help her make decisions and weigh the information, but it's complicated by not knowing how long she'll be hospitalized, and all kinds of other scheduling stuff. The truth is, I annoy her more often than not, so I think she'd prefer having her friends nearby during the most intense part. She thinks I'm kind of an idiot child, which is how her friends treat me since that's what they hear, making it hard to have a normal conversation that isn't patronizing and lecturing, so I can just get the facts and assess.
I honestly can't process all of this. So far their treatment of her has been an abysmal failure and nearly killed her, as treatment did my mother. Yet she continually believes the doctors. The thought of my twin dying is... incomprehensible to me. It seems very familiar and yet very abstract. I don't know how I'm going to afford all the plane trips down that I will be making as we see her through this, and for some reason I keep thinking of that.
And I know that I have two WIPs and a promised Magnificent 7 story hanging out there, and I have no idea if I can find the emotional energy to write. I know that people understand, but the rare letters I do get about them often involve someone asking me when I will have the next part done and whether I am abandoning the WIPs. So I haven't figured out what to do about that, even though fandom is the least of my concerns right now. By the time I may get something done, people will have moved on, I'm sure, and I can't blame them. (There probably won't be any usage or movie or review posts for a while, either, and this is my blanket defriending amnesty here. Unless I get so restless I have to write something, I don't know.)
This isn't a plea for sympathy or for people to write to me -- so many of you have already written to me, and those people who care, have let me know they care. I'm just letting you all know because some of you, you have been there for the past six months for both of us, and I'm grateful -- and this is us now, heading out to the end of the road, and I wanted you to know. I'm not disappearing, but I'm not sure how much I will be producing.
At this point we don't really have much time with her, it sounds like. I haven't had a chance to get information that isn't being filtered by other people, and my sister isn't totally lucid right now, so I don't know what the extent of the illness is and how far it will progress, but so far all of this has happened very quickly and savagely, so I don't anticipate a lot of time. Right now my dad and I are trying to figure out how/when to get down there to help her make decisions and weigh the information, but it's complicated by not knowing how long she'll be hospitalized, and all kinds of other scheduling stuff. The truth is, I annoy her more often than not, so I think she'd prefer having her friends nearby during the most intense part. She thinks I'm kind of an idiot child, which is how her friends treat me since that's what they hear, making it hard to have a normal conversation that isn't patronizing and lecturing, so I can just get the facts and assess.
I honestly can't process all of this. So far their treatment of her has been an abysmal failure and nearly killed her, as treatment did my mother. Yet she continually believes the doctors. The thought of my twin dying is... incomprehensible to me. It seems very familiar and yet very abstract. I don't know how I'm going to afford all the plane trips down that I will be making as we see her through this, and for some reason I keep thinking of that.
And I know that I have two WIPs and a promised Magnificent 7 story hanging out there, and I have no idea if I can find the emotional energy to write. I know that people understand, but the rare letters I do get about them often involve someone asking me when I will have the next part done and whether I am abandoning the WIPs. So I haven't figured out what to do about that, even though fandom is the least of my concerns right now. By the time I may get something done, people will have moved on, I'm sure, and I can't blame them. (There probably won't be any usage or movie or review posts for a while, either, and this is my blanket defriending amnesty here. Unless I get so restless I have to write something, I don't know.)
This isn't a plea for sympathy or for people to write to me -- so many of you have already written to me, and those people who care, have let me know they care. I'm just letting you all know because some of you, you have been there for the past six months for both of us, and I'm grateful -- and this is us now, heading out to the end of the road, and I wanted you to know. I'm not disappearing, but I'm not sure how much I will be producing.
