gwyn | This indecision's bugging me

I tried to work on my Magnificent 7 story this weekend and got probably a grand total of about 250 words down. I can write 1,000 words in less than a lunch hour, so this inability to eke anything worthwhile out is depressing. Because I'm, you know, really depressed already. (The bereavement counseling people never call, either -- I'm thinking this is not an especially great way to treat someone who's already teetering on the edge.) It wasn't helped this weekend by having the cat turn into a vomit and diarrhea machine. The poor kid -- she really freaked out when I took her to the vet on Monday for her followup blood draw (I thought she was having a siezure at first), and then things seemed okay when they called me and told me that the thyroid levels were down to almost normal again, and so I should put her on the low protein food and things would be hunky dory as long as I kept up with the medicine. Except she can't seem to keep the new food down (though she's eaten this a little bit before) and the intestinal distress she had last week is getting worse, not better. Poor kid was a wreck this weekend, as am I from having to be up all night panicking and cleaning up. The last thing I need is another "the cure is worse than the disease" thing going on, and I just can't handle it after everything with Sis_r.

Which leads me to vidding (of course!). I cannot figure out what I want to do for my Vividcon premiere show vid. I keep bouncing around among ideas -- I landed on a great Guster song that would make a perfect vid for Al Swearingen from Deadwood, Jayne Cobb from Firefly, or even Ezra Standish from Mag 7, though I'm leaning heavily toward Al. Not that I think there's a huge call out there for Al vids, but it has a cool bittersweet yet almost perkily cruel tone to it that screams Al to me (or Jayne, or...). So a part of me is jazzed at the idea of making it. But then there's the Buffy vid I want to do, have wanted to since last year -- spooky and ethereal (and short! always a plus) and really sad, where I could focus on her sacrifices and her relationship with Giles, and how they changed over time and losses and suffering. But does the world really need another Buffy vid, and do I need to do yet another Really Tragic Vid for the Jossverse? I don't know. I love the concept in my head, but I also don't know that I have the Final Cut skills to pull it off and it will be hard. But maybe hard is what I need right now.

Then there are still three other ideas I could do as well... and last night I had a bizarre inclination to do an Ocean's 11 vid for some friends of mine who are into it even though I'm not that into it, just because. Just to do it and make them smile. And I'd like to try to make a challenge vid this year, though that seems far away and impossible right now. I've already started plotting out the Wonderfalls vid and that shouldn't be hard, so I'm not even worrying about that in there. But I just don't know what to do for the premiere vid the most -- I do like those tragic vids, and that's one of the few shows where the audience will watch serious vids. And maybe anything Deadwood will be overkill, since probably everyone in the universe will be doing that (at least, the people who aren't doing the show that shall not be named).

I've never had trouble making decisions. I always know what I want, and I go out and look till I find it, or I know how a story will end before I can write it, etc. Normally I know well ahead of time what I want to do for any given project, but right now I can't seem to decide. (Here's your chance to decide for me!) I've always hated the term plot bunnies and stupid little-girly phrases like that, and whenever people talk about their muses I seriously consider killing them as a public service, but right now I suffer from too many of them (pick your poisonous term), but none are winning the throwdown.