Stuff what I do not get

[gwyn]

This weekend was HORRIBLE. I started off Saturday morning by trying to ignore the migraine I'd had all day Friday, only to hit my knee so hard on the sharp corner of the coffee table that my whole kneecap is black now. And then spent the rest of the day vomiting from the migraine, which didn't go away till Monday. mlyn had one, too, and movies_michelle was sick and coughing her lungs up. And then I found out that alexfandra got run over by a freaking car! When out walking (on the light, I might add) with The World's Sweetest Dog (TM). Thank god they are both all right, but jaysus. She's got black bruises all over her, and I hope they nail the old biddy who shouldn't be driving's ass.

But seriously: World, WTF? STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

Something else that is on my mind, fannishly related. I keep seeing these icons on my flist and f of flists. They are either blank and say something like "Not in your fandom" or "Still not into your fandom," or they have the name of the fandom or a pic from it, and one of the same phrases. I do not get it.

There are plenty of fandoms I dislike, and plenty I wish would go away, and plenty that I know I will never get into no matter how much or how well people pimp them. When someone gives me a chance, and I'm among friends, I can be egged into explosivly detailing my dislike of those fandoms, even. (Poor sherrold once asked me in a jocular manner why I hated Jared Padalecki so much and I went off on this 10 minute tangent and then they had to take me out back and hose me down, after laughing at me, of course.) But I usually confine it to my friends, and I usually confine my rants to... you know, momentary rants. Sometimes I try to make fun of myself for not liking something, like the zombie fandoms post. Because, you know, I think you gotta have a sense of humor about this or you will be eaten alive in fandom.

But the one thing I would never consider doing is being in your face confrontational to people about it, or dedicating my LJ space or something else to talk about how much I hate something or how much I'm above it. Because, dude, if you don't like something, why waste energy thinking about it? Spend your energy on what you do like. Spend some energy on sharing your love with the world and getting them to join you. Spread the joy.

Isn't that what fandom is supposed to be -- fun? Aren't we supposed to be sharing what we love with like-minded individuals, coming together as a community? Why try to poison what people enjoy? My antipathy toward my friends' fandoms means just that -- I'm not into their fandoms, I may even loathe it, but I am into those people. They are my friends and acquaintances. Why would I want to, as cereta always says, piss in their Cheerios?

I just really don't get it. It's as baffling to me as those hate sites that people put up, about characters they hate or a show they hate. Why spend time thinking about something you dislike? Just because you're feeling petty and jealous that everyone's having a good time in a fandom you don't think deserves it? I wish everyone could be as into Charlie Jade as I am, but I know that's not gonna happen, and turning that disappointment into, say, blaring from my LJ all the time through icons and posts that I hate SPN or SGA or Heroes or whatever the hell else is out there causing this behavior just seems so... totally against the whole point of fandom to me.

I keep thinking of sdwolpfup's More Joy thing from last month. How we can wish someone well if they cut us off in traffic instead of cursing them, or what have you. And it seems to me that spreading More Joy, and not trying to pee all over someone's happy-making thing du jour, should be the fannish ethos. I used to expend a lot of energy getting into pissy fights with people back in the day, because, well, I started out on Usenet and that's what you did.

But a few years ago, I decided that it was time for the kinder, gentler Gwyneth approach. And you know what? I still have my mini-meltdowns about characters or fandoms I hate, and I still fight with people, but those vents are farther and fewer between, and they're also among friends. If I can't joke about it or turn it into self-mocking humor, then I don't say it. I would just never consider plastering an icon that's essentially telling people to... well, shut their yap about their fandom because it's just not all that to me. I would prefer to spend my energy trying to get people to come to MY fandom, frankly. I've been very bad about that lately -- I haven't completed my Buffy WIP, I haven't written fanfic in the past couple years, but I still vid and try to meta once in a while. I want to take the More Joy approach.

Sometimes, I fail in the More Joy approach, because I'm human, and most of us are pretty cranky and petty at times. I fail frequently at being positive. (There was a time, after my sister died, that even seeing House icons and such brought me a lot of pain -- horrible doctors were a very fresh wound for me, and I discussed even filtering most of my friends list. Time kind of smoothed that over.) But that's still my mantra now more than ever, as I stare at these icons and wonder why this is a cool thing to do. Because, man, if that's what makes you cooler than thou, I'll take being square any day.

I'm not sure I want it explained to me, but I suppose if someone has a reasonable explanation for being in your face about people's fandoms and peeing on their Honey-Nuts, then by all means, 'splain away.

Comments

[text-isle.livejournal.com]

Although I'm not one of the folks waving the hate flag, it doesn't bother me when others do it. Someone else hating what I like doesn't bum me in any way. Sometimes I even seek out those rants about my favorite things, cuz I like to be thoughtful about the things I like and remain open to reevaluating them. So when someone describes it as "peeing in cheerios" I feel a little baffled. Why should I feel bad about what fandom or what character someone else hates? So, I suspect the people doing it also don't expect people to be bummed by it and don't intend it as an attack on anyone.

As to why people put energy into things they hate--well, I'm too lazy to do much of that--but truth/insight can be found in criticism as well as in compliments. I enjoy reading criticism. Clearly sometimes people take it too far, though. A whole website about how much you hate a certain character? Wow.

From what you describe, it sounds like the icons aren't telling people to shut up about their fandoms, they're just making visible certain people's non-participation in certain fandoms. Sort of a "don't forget about us non-______-lovers; we exist!" Then again, I haven't actually seen the icons, so I wouldn't know.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

In a way I get what you're saying and it makes sense, but I think I still am not getting it. It does really convey this feeling to me that's highly negative -- very much a way of trying to deflate people's enthusiasm. But maybe I'm just an old-time fan and I look at things through a different lens -- I'm thinking, oh, these kids today, I don't get their nifty Jedi mind tricks. So, no, still not getting it.

[text-isle.livejournal.com]

Eep, I hit post before I was finished. Let's try this again.

Well, I'm just guessing here. I don't know what is going on in anyone else's mind.

But I am just trying to put myself in that position and figure out what *I* would be thinking if I had an icon like that. Probably it would have to do with disliking a very popular fandom, not just any fandom, but a giant one. What if suddenly almost everyone on my flist forgot about the fandoms I'm into and went to a new, giant fandom that I don't like? What if the activity on the fandom-specific communities I'm in diminished because many folks were busy in comms for the giant fandom instead? I'd soldier on with my smaller fandoms, and I'd look for more places to connect with like-minded folks. But still, there'd be less fic, less meta, less candy for me. I'd miss the abundance I enjoyed before. And I'd miss the friends that I used to have more in common with. I might feel invisible among those friends. I might use an icon to remind my flist about my situation, maybe to express my bitterness, maybe thinking (foolishly) that if my flist sees that I'm not into this fandom they'll make an effort to throw a bone to their old fandoms every now and then (not that they have to). Perhaps I wouldn't realize it will be experienced as harshing their squee.

See, for me, someone else's dislike *cannot* harsh my squee, unless it convinces me to change my mind. In which case I will be all, Dang, you're right, X isn't so great after all. Thanks for telling me. Otherwise I will think, Wow, interesting that you see it that way, but I don't!

Ok, I can think of one instance in which someone can harsh my squee even if it doesn't convince me. It's when their criticisms are offensive to humanity rather than merely insulting to X. Such as racism or misogyny.


P.S. I think I Dr. Pepper tastes vile.
P.P.S. I think there's no art or beauty in American football. Or lots of other sports.

[klia.livejournal.com]

It's all so... *sigh* I used to say 7th grade, but it's more like 4th grade.

The question is, if those people upset you so much, why not just defriend them? Or, if they're actual *friends* friends, people you know personally, filter them off your reading list. The best way to stay sane in fandom is to hang with like minds and filter out the nastiness.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I know filters are the way a lot of people keep their happy on, but I've never really figured a way to do that and not lose most of my flist! It really is like 4th grade -- in that things spread really quickly and everything's very heightened and concentrated. I used to be the big fandom crank, but I guess, when I look at what's around me, I've really mellowed. Scary, huh?

[klia.livejournal.com]

We've just gotten old. *g*

[kadymae.livejournal.com]

Icon is for you.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Yay! FNL for the win (I need to start watching that, sez Killa, and I tried to watch this season, but then there was unpleasantness when I did, so I stopped, and I should just go back and start it by myself.)

[mystic-savage.livejournal.com]

Great. Now I want an icon that says "Don't piss in my Cheerios."

[namastenancy.livejournal.com]

Me too.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Hm. I shall have to think about this and see if there's any way to make a good one.

[(Anonymous)]

Word. I don't get it either: yes, there are lots of popular fandoms I dislike, but I do not go out of my way to spread this dislike, becuase really, what's the point!

I do not even go out of my way to advertise fandoms I love (too tired, too lazy, too busy, too stressed... aargh!)

[(Anonymous)]

If I had the time or the energy, I would spend it lovingly detailing everything I love about your writing, your vidding (your remodeling, your cats...)

:)

*guilty of being too tired and too busy to login, even!*

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Aww, you are very sweet. I think people who don't get this phenomenon are probably in short supply (I get the distinct impression most people think I'm an ass for feeling this way), but I don't know... it just doesn't make sense to me.

[ixchel55.livejournal.com]

Wow! I hope you and yours are feeling better soon. I knew poor mlyn had the ick and it's certainly making the rounds everywhere I look here. So far I've managed to dodge the bullet (I'm knocking wood with one hand while I type this).

I have to admit, I've felt strongly for some fandoms, but I have to say that I've never felt particularly strongly against any. As you say, it just isn't worth the effort required to put that much negative thought into it. So much easier to ignore it. But then I've never had a significant number of my friends and acquaintances waxing poetic for so long over something that I could care less about, either. It's bound to be a little irksome.

I definitely get a WTF? feeling when I see someone rabidly against someone or something. That doesn't mean I haven't had my own personal bits of irrationality on one subject or another. I've...uh, been known to be quite vocal and demented at times. *G*

*passes you alternating hot and cold packs for your knee*

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I doubt there are a lot of people who share the feeling to the extent I have it, but I also think there are probably a lot of people who look at those icons or posts or hate threads and feel a little... I don't know, not attacked, just maybe assailed by the negativity. I'm no pollyanna, but I just would so much rather share squee than poutiness.

[keiko-kirin.livejournal.com]

I've felt strongly for some fandoms, but I have to say that I've never felt particularly strongly against any

Yeah, that's what I was thinking while reading this thread! More often than not, I'm *not* into the giant fandom that has claimed all my friends, but I enjoy that they are into it. I even read what they have to say about it, because I enjoy them being happy. If I'm not into a fandom, I'm just not into it. I'm not *against* it, and can't imagine waging a passive/aggressive war against it. That is very odd to me.

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Testify; I've been waiting for someone to say this. Where do people get the ENERGY to be negative?