somniloquence

Probably the last thing I need to do is write a long post about my thoughts on Torchwood: Children of Earth. I've been working much of the day on formatting a resources section in this book edit, and it's such a mess that my RSI is about 100x worse than normal and my head aches and my eyes are crossed. But I can't stop thinking about it and talking to myself about it, since there's no one else to talk to. The cats are usually quite unperturbed by Capt. Jack's manpain.

( Forget it, Jack, it's Torchwood )

OK, the vid is done, and demuxed, and sent to VVC. The first attempt was bad, but since I haven't heard back on the second one, I'm assuming no news is good news and that keiko_kirin's excellent advice worked. Compressor is not the least bit intuitive for a program. (Well, none of the FC Studio stuff is, but it's pretty confusing as confusing programs go. I understand from others that it is much-loathed.) I spent hours and hours poking around, trying things, making a hash of it. My .mov file is gorgeous, but I think it's saved the wrong way because it's also insanely huge, but I really do not know what to save this thing as -- FCP just has way too many settings. People are paralyzed when they have too many choices! Don't these people know this?

But anyway, the dirgey, angst-fest, poor woobie who dies all the time and loses everyone whinge of a Capt. Jack vid is in the can. I had some trouble with aspect ratios due to the DLs of season 2 eps often being different, and some of the clips have this weird video noise in them that I get sometimes from .avis, but I just didn't have time to worry about that. I've never worked so hard up against a deadlne before, and it freaks me out. I'm just not a procrastinator about timelines; I can't stand the pressure of working close to a due date. And now I have post-partum depression. I always get like this when I finish a vid that's really ... I dunno, important or emotional for me. There's this thing about Jack that I love, this underlying constant sense of grief that we get to see from time to time, that's made me want to vid him from the start. Nowhere was that more evident to me than when he and Gwen are sitting on the cliffside and talking about telling the families of the missing people who've been returned through the rift, and his reaction to when she challenges him that hasn't he ever lost anyone? And it's like that's all he's done, over and over, since being resurrected. And I love that about him, that he still carries on.

Anyways. My misery at trying to understand how to do things technologically that I have trouble understanding how to do is made worse when it's pre-period depression. Right before that time of the month, OMG, I am doom and gloom cubed. Everything makes me want to curl up in a ball and weep for days. I never even really realized what it was until many years ago, my Ex pointed out that I was practically suicidal for a few days every month and so he'd remind me, "Um, maybe it's just your pre-period depression talking?" in this small, terrified voice, because I think he was afraid I'd turn my suicidalness into homicidalness and kill him in his sleep (which I threatened to do on a number of occasions, so it wasn't like he was making that up out of whole cloth).

What's worse is that I've hit those lovely golden years ("That time of year thou mayest in me behold, when autumn leaves, or none, or few do hang...") of perimenopause, where you're still stuck with the effing thing but you get the joys of being menopausal. If this is the before, I really hate to thing of what the after is going to be like. Because my body is wreaking havoc on me without any kind of warning, and the headaches OMG (which I have right now, and it fracking hurts), and I am hoping to go to Cape Town next year but I wonder if my insane body will let me travel. I sleep for ridiculous amounts of time sometimes, and other times can't sleep at all, but I never know when this going to happen.

So of course, something like vidding, where I am frustrated by my lack of ability to grasp technical issues, balloons into this Huge Thing and the hormones just turn it crazy-making. And I don't think the vid is even that good! So it's like expending all this energy into something and sobbing and rending my garments, all for this thing that I want to set on fire. This is why I always say that vidders are insane. We are.

I wanted to work on some other vids but I have that whole post-partum thing going on. It's over, and I don't have to look at it for months, which is good, but OTOH, my baby! It's gone! Oy. Vidding is hard.

Oh, I never talk about the shows I'm watching lately. I guess I just don't feel that inspired to dissect and discuss and analyze the way I used to. When I'm enjoying something, I just want to, you know, enjoy, and when I'm thinky about something, I think about it to myself and then am too lazy to post. But this weekend I caught up on a lot of stuff. Most importantly

( Torchwood season 2 finale )

( And then there was new Who )

( BSG season 4 premiere )

And then tonight, I made mlyn come over to watch Vin Diesel's first full-length movie, Strays, which only came out on disc a while ago. I didn't think I could handle it without someone to help me through cringing, but it actually wasn't as bad as I expected. Vin was much goofier and sweeter than I had expected, and he does love showing off his bod, so I can't complain in that regard. Though a lot of wine also helps. But we got a glimpse of the bootay, we got to see him in black boxer briefs, and he spends most of the movie in a white undershirt or variations thereof, so... really, you can't ask for a lot more. Also, he sings. And pretty well, too.

I have had a really pretty good week in fandom, overall. It started out last weekend with a get-together in honor of the_shoshanna's visit to Seattle at montanaharper's house. Much fun and food was had by all (I think I drank all her Pepsi), especially when we started recounting Psychos We Have Known and Hated in fandom. It was by turns funny and kind of cathartic, because once you got your memories of the psycho you had dealt with, purging yourself, so to speak, then someone else would recount their psycho story and you would feel better knowing that theirs was actually considerably worse. The thing I love about fans in a group is that a) you don't have to explain your jokes to others, b) no one cares when you're all shouty and overtalking because they're doing it, too, and c) fans are so well-read and articulate most of the time, and we get to use words you just don't really hear in conversation much otherwise.

Then on Tuesday I stopped by to help katallison give some meds to the kitty, and before I had to go we had a glass of wine and were commiserating about our inability to have some self-esteem about what we do. We decided we need to find some kind of exorcist or shaman to purge us of this problem.

On Wednesday, I went to get my new iMac. My goodness, it is shiny. I still haven't even taken the protective plastic film off it because I haven't been home enough to really use it, but what little I did do, it was just so amazing to look at. At 24 inches, the screen is only 3 inches smaller than my damn HDTV. I still don't know exactly what FrontRow is, but I was just randomly opening new apps to see what they looked like, and this took me to a listing of movie trailers that opened up full screen on the computer. They looked marvelous and better than on the TV, in fact. I was mesmerized and wasted a huge amount of time watching trailers for movies I don't even care about. I plan today to install some of my newer software that I haven't used yet, and then migrate things over. Besides the display, the thing I'm enjoying most about the computer is, oddly, the keyboard. It's wafer-thin (say in Monty Python voice), and has these flat keys, but they have excellent touch response and more function keys than before. Best of all, they are not spaced too closely together, as the keyboards are for the last iMac iteration. The old Mac extended keyboard was my all time favorite, but the past few years Apple has been getting it wrong, wrong, wrong (don't even get me started on the short stubby little Bondi Blue G3 keyboards with the round mouse) and it's nice to see that they are back in keyboard stylin' business.

Then yesterday was the fannishiest of all. astolat is in town for a convention, and a small group of us (sherrold, wickedwords, and feochadn) were able to get together with her for dim sum lunch. I picked her up at the hotel and managed to get us lost over on the east side because I had bad user input -- for some reason, I had thought they street was different than it was, and so I was driving around stupidly before Shalott whipped out her internets and found the correct street for me. After lunch, I offered to take her into downtown Seattle, especially to the market, before she had to be back for an event. I found a parking spot right in front of this little French cafe that I adore and we agreed to maybe stop by and have a drink after we toured the market. So we trundled off down the incredibly steep hill (it's the workout tour of Seattle!), and found this beautiful jewelry stand that has been there for 33 years and which I have been by thousands of times but never stopped to look at things. It's always so great to find something you've overlooked, when you look at things through someone else's interests. Shalott found a beautiful, unusual set of jewelry, and then we decided to head back up the steep hill to the cafe.

We got to the top of the hill, and she said, "Where's your car?" That complete sinking feeling of dread came over me as I realized I had parked on 1st Ave., right before rush hour, and they had towed my car. My baby Beetle!! Gone at the hands of merciless tow-truck-drivers! I was so upset and discombobulated and humiliated at my stupidity that at first, I didn't know what to do, which I actually said out loud. Fortunately, Shalott had her wits about her and she said, "There's a phone number on the sign" which of course, there was, and of course, I had completely not looked at when I parked, like the dumbass I am. Way to go to make a good impression on your friends from out of town! Get lost, then get your car towed. I was so, so embarassed. So I called them, then had problems with the phone number (really, would it kill them to listen to their messages so they can discover that it crackles and you can't actually hear all the number?), then we had to get a cab, so we walked into this bar (it's really hard to get a cab on the street in Seattle, your best bet is usually to find a cab stand but there weren't any nearby) for a number.

The bartender was wonderful and she actually immediately punched in the number ("you got towed?") and called one for me, and gave me the card for the lot where the car would be. But of course, the drunk guy sitting at the end of the bar had to try to flirt (he'd been eyeing Shalott like she was candy) -- he shouted, "You got towed? Why'd they do that?" and I said, "Because I was stupid." He had no idea what to make of that, so he suggested we sit and have a drink to wait for the cab, but I thought it might be a tad better to wait outside. The cab driver who picked us up was incredibly chatty, and the two of us were sitting there for the short ride saying "yeah" "definitely" almost in stereo the whole way, I think hoping he would stop talking if we just agreed with him.

Shalott was beyond gracious about the whole awful thing, and she even insisted on paying for the impound, which I feel horrible about but she was adamant. (Seriously, you are getting a nice dinner in Chicago and some really good wine for this!) I have never felt so stupid -- I've lived in this city all my adult life, and I know downtown like the back of my hand, and I have no idea what the hell I was thinking. I know they clear the street at 3!! I was just so... well, as someone pointed out to me last night, I was having a good time. Apparently me + good times = stoopit. Anyway, we got the ticket for me to pay later (because as they point out on the ticket, I BROKE THE LAW), and trundled off back to the hotel in nasty rainy rush hour, and then had a brief drink in the bar, before she had to head off to an event and I had to head off to gattagrigia's for Torchwood watching.

And OMG, I just have to say, I am really enjoying that show more and more (even though, yeah, it's TEH DUMB) and Jack and Ianto = OTP woobie sexy love and I couldn't be happier with things and I don't want to hear other people harshing what I'm enjoying so much. Shalott and I had talked in the car about what we love about Jack as a character, and the 51st century sexuality, and by the end of the day, I was feeling like maybe, just maybe, I might turn really fannish about the show. I haven't had anything that gave me that feeling and that other people could share with me for some time (there are things I feel very intensely about, like The Wire and Charlie Jade, but they are so small and don't have that fannish network that I kind of feed off of and absorb), so I kind of hope that maybe it takes.

And with any luck, maybe I'll even want to write again. I keep hoping. So, what else... Oh, yeah. Shalott and I talked a bit about the OTW, and I told her that I've steadfastly avoided anything about it for a long while because I just lalala don't want to hear people going on about why they think it's a bad idea. I just prefer to wait for things to start, and then see if I can get involved, but I just really have not wanted to listen to the crap some people sling at it. I think it's fabulous, and please to be going away now thank you if you have "issues." And obviously, I'm not boycotting LJ today. I respect your decisions if you are, but... well, I don't think there are good alternatives right now for the thousands of people in fandom to stay connected this way. I've got other journals, and if we end up playing at journalfen or insanejournal, then I'll wait and see, but I think IJ is going the way of GJ. No, I don't believe LJ is being run well. I think they've been colossal asses lately. I hate what I think SUP is going to do and their contempt for users. But until, as merryish said today, they start setting fans on fire, I can't see an alternative for such a large user base. I dunno.

And I wish everyone a (something) Purim and Good Friday (I'm never sure if it should be solemn or joyous wishes on these days!). BPAL did their lunacy update yesterday and their April Fool's update and I'm in perfume heaven. No money, but I have to find some for the Tiki Lounge scents, OMG.

John Barrowman is interviewed in AfterElton.com and he had this to say about the upcoming season of Torchwood.
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