Labor pains

[gwyn]

Sunday night of a supposedly long, holiday-day-off weekend, and I've worked harder this week than maybe ever before. Or at least maybe for the last five or six years, and that's as far back as I can remember. On Friday alone I think we copyedited and published something like 25 stories for the magazine; that doesn't even encompass what we did for the rest of the week. Biggest table of contents we've had since I've been there, and because I was on copy desk duty this weekend (which means I work every morning to proofread the things that have gone up, publish a cartoon, and other small things), that meant I also had to build covers and other things that require a lot of detail work and concentration. But I felt proud when we finally logged off late Friday night. Proud that we were writing important things, saying the things that needed to be said, asking questions other people wanted to be asked. I felt like for the first time in a long time, being in the news world wasn't a bad thing (although I see the cable news channels have gone back to their annoying selves with alarming alacrity). I wasn't easing anyone's suffering, but I was participating in getting information out, and that felt really good.

But it's turned into a much harder weekend than that -- Rehnquist died, of course, so that meant working today. I got some time to go to my writing group, which was good, but it's been a working weekend after a long, hard week, and then I have more coming tomorrow when I could be kicking back. Somehow, talking about Rehnquist just doesn't feel as imperative or important to me as the aftermath of Katrina.

So I've contented myself with working up a fic idea for Numb3rs that makes me feel a little odd. They repeated the episode Manhunt (I always go to Mag 7 on that title of course) Friday night, and I've been watching it over and over. Because I think... okay, in a fandom where incest is de rigeur, this is an odd thing to worry about... but I think that Don Eppes and Billy Cooper are teh SEX together and goddamn, I want to write a little ep-centric fic set in the midpoint of the episode. Even though I don't think Coop's actor is that attractive (and that annoying orange filter they use does his ginger coloring no favors) in most respects, the guy is just really... sexy. He has a quality. I do not know how to put my finger on it but there's something about his taciturn snark and the way he calls Eppes "Donnie" and the way he talks about Don and the way he looks at Don, and his arms and his ass in the khaki trousers, and the way Don looks at him and shows more emotion than normal, and they are so adorable in their complete clamness with each other that I can just imagine the most incredible fireworks. And have been imagining them since late Friday night. I swear it's gotten me through the past few days.

But it feels odd to write a fic that's set in a single ep with a character who probably will never come back (more's the pity, dammit). Since it's all about Charlie and Don, and I can tell right now there's way more interest in wee ickle Charlie than in uberclam Don, and a fic without a lot of Charlie would be howling into the abyss, I don't know if there's any audience beyond me, but I must write it. Because... Don was created for me. Though I adore Charlie (and Alan, and everyone else), Don was made for me -- he is every single kink I have except tallness put into a tight-lipped clam package. sherrold said the other night that Don is truly unique in the fannish BSO world: he's a complete adult. And he is, and that is a huge kink for me. Men who behave like true adults are rare on fannish type shows, and Don just shines in that regard -- this guy who gave up his life to take care of his mom because his brother couldn't, who is always trying to do the right thing, who doesn't talk about himself or complain, he just does the work. He's loving and loyal and strong and stalwart and mature and snarky and smart. He's a grownup. And I adore him. Plus, he knows how to handle a gun, and that is just... for me, the ultimate kink is a guy who knows his weapons and looks like he uses them every day. And Coop is not much different than Don, and so I think that rather than clam must not touch clam (only old-time fans will probably get that), it's like 1 clam + 1 clam=emotoclamsplosion!

I have also begun the Deadwood vid, though it will take a while since Jo and I are only able to get together once a week, and will soon begin capturing clips for a remaster of There's No Way Out of Here. And Ciudad part 7 will be up in a day or two. So there are things I try to take my mind off the work with, but I'm just so tired... my brain hurts, my heart hurts. Reading and writing about this constantly, day in and day out, is beyond draining. But I have running water, I have a toilet that works, I have food, I have a car with some gas in it, and I have a roof over my head. I have time enough to daydream about hot FBI agents. And that's something that a lot of people do not have right now.

Comments

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

You know how 'noidal I am, and now that I've jinxed myself by talking about writing something before I've written it, I'm convinced everyone will hate it because it doesn't meet their expectations/hopes/beliefs about how the characters should sound. I'm only at the first sex scene and I'm already convinced I shouldn't finish it because people will be disappointed or tell me it isn't how they think Don or Coop should sound.

Aiiieeee!!!!