You don't have to talk, I know it all

[gwyn]

Someone posted to metafilter the other day about the 30th anniversary of Laurie Anderson's Strange Angels album, and I've been listening to it on repeat for a while, being all nostalgic and remembering the fantastic shows I've been to and what an immense talent she is. I never knew that some people considered it too slick and commercial; their loss, I guess, because I thought it was beautiful and I liked that it made her more accessible to people who might not have come to her art otherwise.

I am ecstatic about my Yuletide assignment. I struggled with whether to sign up this year, because I really only wanted one thing that I felt unlikely to get--since I'd forked up and missed nominating some things I wanted otherwise--and really only wanted to write one thing which I felt absolutely certain that I wouldn't get assigned, because only once have I ever really had that happen. I'm usually going "oh god, how do I fulfill this?" and panic spiralling.

It always works out, though, but this year I saw someone's DYA letter and their prompts absolutely sang to me, and I wanted SO BAD to write for them and I just thought, there's no way. I knew some people try to game the system, and I was sort of trying to figure out how I could do that, but in the end, the weird thing is it sort of worked out for me. It's really hard at times, ever since they instituted the "must offer two characters" rule, for me to find two characters to offer, but in some cases, I think my strange two-character choices in fandoms where nearly everyone requesting wanted two other specific characters I didn't feel qualified to write, helped me even without trying to game anything. And choosing fandoms to offer where there were no requests also probably helped me here--because in one case, there was only one request with a couple offers, and in another, no requests at all (a fandom I perpetually love, so I'm sad it likely won't be represented in Yuletide this year).

But man, was it stressful. I just only wanted that fandom to write in, and at first I thought maybe it'd happen, but then at the last minute people kept requesting it! I was constantly refreshing the summary and the letters app, and minim_calibre and I were texting till things closed at 1 a.m. here. So I was beyond thrilled when I got my assignment and it was the thing I wanted. The stars rarely align for me.

Now I just have to write the birthday-time fic for this year with enough time that I can fit in writing a longer story, otherwise it only gives me about 12 days for writing and I think this story might be a slow burn. I hope. I just also hope I don't get too much rush work in, which has been a problem lately. Rush jobs are so life-consuming.

My rush jobs have been weird, too. One was a book about insomnia, from a sleep specialist here in Seattle, and I'd never seen references and citations formatted the way these were. After poking through my books, I found out it was a legit style and asked on my copyediting email list, but I waaay underbid because I hadn't looked super closely at the bibliography and she needed the estimate asap, so there was no way I was going to track down every reference and fix it to Chicago style. Especially since it was just a proofread. Fortunately, since it was a reprint, the manager decided to leave it alone and just note it on the style sheet. But you learn something new every day, and even though I almost never do books with references/bibs, at least now I know how to recognize this style.

Then another one was a design-heavy journal with tooonns of swear words. That was actually fun, to read something where someone swears more than I do. A lot of the books I edit lately, especially romance, are so sanitized and marketed toward the middle-America audience of pearl-clutching ladies, and at times it wears on me, the bizarre substitutes they come up with for even mild swear words like dammit. But it's been nice to step outside of this box for a while; this production manager has also given me some great mainstream women's fiction that isn't romance, and that's been very nice.

We had some pretty disappointing and upsetting results in our elections yesterday; Amazon money being funneled into electing conservatives and shooting down affirmative action, etc. It's really depressing. There's a cult around this right-wing asshole who creates these awful ballot measures all the time, and they came out in force yesterday. My district choice is currently ahead in the city council race, but I am worried, especially because her opponent appeals to all the men with hate-boners for all the women on the council. I don't always love the council, some of their legislation is enraging, but overall, the incumbent is a way better choice.

I've been taking a Drawing for Absolute Beginners class for the past few weeks with a friend from the local slash gang, and I am just as terrible at drawing as I thought I'd be. I'm not gonna lie, I'm really discouraged. I see my friends who go out with Urban Sketchers and I will never be able to do that. I know, I know...practice, blah blah. But I just don't see that way. My whole work is about finding small details, corrections, and seeing negative spaces and stuff just doesn't work for me. I can't seem to judge widths and lengths, everything comes out distorted and wrong. We're probably going to take more of this guy's classes, but I'm not hopeful, based on my performance in this.

I guess that's all the news!

Comments

[jenab]

For me with Yuletide I have three fandoms I would love to receive fic in however there was only one I felt I could actually write for. There were a couple of other fandoms I might have been able to do but decided to not chance it this year.

[gwyn]

Yeah, it's really hard when you have to figure out things you're qualified to write for. So many--four is a lot when you're not feeling it.

[mackiemesser]

Woo! Congrats on getting The One Yuletide assignment.

I am sitting here having trouble wrapping my head around the idea of anything from Laurie Anderson being commercial. Just...what?

[gwyn]

RIGHT? That sort of boggled my mind. Production values=commercial, I guess. Singing lessons too. Whatever. The word I would have used was accessible--I feel like it just made her work more accessible to people, who, like me, might have gone back and re-evaluated things they hadn't been into before.

[mackiemesser]

The whole B.S. about popular/accessible = sellout is such ridiculous gatekeeping, too. Like you're supposed to make your music for the smallest possible audience, so small you won't be able to make a living at it. Why not have more people like/have access to what you make?

I have never understood that.

[destina]

I've been trying to draw for years and years, and it all still comes out like stick figures. *g* .So glad you got the assignment of your dreams! Happy writing ahead. :)

[gwyn]

I get that sensation of frustration crying-- I can feel my throat start to tighten, and my eyes and head ache. I hate that feeling. While brewing my tea today, I tried to work on the elephant assignment before last class tomorrow, and...it's so awful and deformed and I'm *copying* something. Like, what the hell.

[marycrawford]

YAY for the perfect Yuletide assignment!!

I think taking up drawing can be fantastic for finding new ways to deal with the perfectionist voice in one's head that stifles creativity. And that voice is what I hear, when you're saying I Went To A Drawing for Absolute Beginners Class And I Did Terrible. I mean. You're a beginner at this and that's 100% okay, also what the class is for! You literally *cannot* do terribly unless you, I don't know, throw the pencil at the teacher and storm out?

I started drawing on my own two years ago, I still think I suck, but I DO go out to occasional urban sketching type things and nobody is ever anything less than kind and supportive and cheering. Judging widths and lengths is SUPER hard, and I just tell myself, "hey, if it has to be perfect, take a photograph" and continue with my wonky lines and false perspective. It's easier to talk my perfectionist self down than in writing, so I hope something like that could happen for you, too.

[gwyn]

It's hard though because we're literally copying drawings to do, like, an elephant, and using the shapes like cylinders and circles and such, and I still come out with these ugly deformed things. I mostly cry when I'm frustrated, and I feel that whole "oh shit I'm gonna cry" thing coming on every time I try. And negative shapes just baffles me--I can see them, and I can draw them, but how you're supposed to put that together to make something recognizable...feh.

I had this idea that I might be able to do this, and since it's getting harder physically to write because of my wrists, this was a creativity outlet, but...I don't seem to have any facility for it, judging by the other people in the class. I had this dream of maybe doing fanart, since I don't know how long writing will happen, and I haven't been able to vid for some time. I'm going to try some other classes, but I don't know to expect.

Did you take classes, or just strike out on your own? Had you ever drawn before?

[marycrawford]

I just want to encourage you in every possible way, and I'm sorry to hear about your wrists! I have some RSI issues myself, and I sympathize A LOT. I wish I could just give you a hug and pour you some tea and sit down to doodle big-eyed alien blobs or something else that wouldn't be frustrating.

And hey, maybe this class is not for you, I don't know if it is or not, but that doesn't mean you can't go ahead and draw. I never took classes; I am a hopeless perfectionist, as well as an introvert, and I think I would get so many issues from watching other people and having to interact and feeling like I had to please the teacher. And on top of that I like to do things my own way, heh.

I did read a couple books, but I don't think that's a necessary step, particularly, it's just good for prompts if you're stuck about what to draw. (Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain - all the left/right side of brain stuff is outmoded bullshit, but there are some fun exercises like drawing from an upside down photo, and Danny Gregory´s `The Creative License´ is quirky encouraging fun).

I started drawing by picking up a pack of permanent-ink fineliners on a really crappy day in december 2017, because I like pens and paper and I wanted to cheer myself up. I had been coloring in adult coloring books for a couple years, because I never could draw worth a bean myself, but since then I've realized that doesn't matter. If you keep at it, you're going to get better. Not perfect, but better. It's impossible not to.

I think that when you start drawing, it's like starting to learn how to write - the letters come out wonky, despite the examples in your textbook, the shapes will look weird, etc - and partly it's just learning muscle memory, and partly it's learning how to see those angles etc. And like I said, I still suck at angles! I just don't want to be stopped by the "I suck" feeling. I don't think I can draw a recognizable likeness of a person, for example, and I'm not about to offer my fanart in any exchanges yet, BUT I can have fun drawing whatever I want to on my own terms. (I just sat in a tram and drew half a dog's face before its owner got out, and that was fun, even if it's not a great or even a finished portrait of a dog.)

[what_alchemy]

I'd love to hear about this yuletide assignment if you want to squee at me!!

[kore]

GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING SHIT STAIN IN HIS NEXT LIFE HE'LL COME BACK AS A FLY ON A PIECE OF DOGSHIT TIM EYMAN. ahem.

[gwyn]

He makes me so enraged I can't even handle it. I used to be able to take a bus right by my house, but after his first bullshit initiative, they gutted the route and now it only runs on weekdays, three times in the very early morning and four times at evening. So I never go downtown anymore by bus, I have to drive or cab it, which is just more cars on the road. One of the first comments in the west seattle blog about the election results was "timmy for governor" and I almost threw up in my mouth. His little cult makes me homicidal.

[kore]

FOR GOVERNOR???

Thank God we have Inslee.

It's so fucking bizarre. It's just like, yeah, if you want roads and buses and cops and teachers and other infrastructure stuff, you have to pay taxes! What is this whacko thing about "It's MY money and I deserve to have it BACK, and FUCK everyone who can't afford a car"??? I mean I would bet there are way more people in Seattle who depend on buses and food banks and community services than not.

It's also such a fucking Econ 101 failure of How Shit Works. A PORT CITY brings in MONEY and GOODS. These FLOW to the LESS POPULATED, LESS WEALTHY cities INLAND. That's like how it has worked since fucking Babylon. WTF do they think is going to happen to Washington if Seattle starts going downhill? It's going to be all apple orchards and whatever?

....of course, this would almost be NO ISSUE AT ALL, if Bezos and Google and fucking Microsoft paid what they SHOULD in fucking taxes, and didn't get giant tax breaks. Car tabs would not even begin to touch that money. And the state's been deprived of it for what over two decades now? No wonder there are giant housing and homeless and drug problems....

[avrelia]

Congratulations on the perfect Yuletide assignment. I am too scared to sign up for it ever!

I am considering a drawing course myself. Since my school days I haven't even doodled, and last year I started writing fanfiction and doodling, and I want suddenly my doodles to resemble something...