somniloquence

It's been weeks and weeks, and I keep trying to post but never do. Partly it's pain from typing, and partly it's just ~everything. Bulleted lists are our friends!

* Two someones gifted me with an extension of my paid account here, and I am incredibly grateful. I didn't mean for anyone to think I was fishing for that in my last update post, but I definitely appreciate it so much. Considering how little I post, I'm sure I could have gotten away with a free one, but I don't have to think about that for a while. I wish you'd tell me who you are, though, so I could maybe give you a thank you gift of fic or something!

* While I was quarantining myself because I wasn't sure if I had the virus or not, minim_calibre brought me some groceries and other things, and it was kind of hilarious because the first time, she put things on my back porch and I opened my kitchen window a crack, and we had a conversation and I wanted to cry. I hadn't really seen anyone in weeks except my neighbor when we were taking our garbage cans in, and I just miss min hanging around or going to movies with or what have you, and when she left I felt like we should do the Kirk/Spock Wrath of Khan thing, and put our hands up to the window. I felt like sobbing, "I have been, and always shall be, your friend."

* I had x-rays of my wrist and they showed I did have a break from when I passed out back in February. They had me do a CT scan just like last time, to determine the scope, and found I didn't have a break, but there is apparently a bone fragment floating around, so I don't know what that is about... But they wanted me to see the orthopedic surgeon, because apparently the arthritis in my wrist and base of thumb is so bad that I might have to have surgery, which I was freaked out about so much. Because I live alone, and the idea of being in a cast for months with a pandemic on just. Ugh. It's not like even when elective surgeries return, the virus just goes away.

* I did a televisit with the orthopedist last Monday and he turned out to not be a bad dude, and he recommended we try some other things first before we discuss surgery. I mean, I can't afford it, and even if Medicare survives long enough, I'm not eligible for five more years, so I won't be able to do any more surgeries any time soon. So now I have this specific brace and am trying OTC anti-inflammatories, then if that doesn't help,  maybe a steroid shot (didn't help with my spine arthritis, did help with my foot injury years ago), and other stuff before we try the nuclear option.

* I've finally had some work come in. I was beginning to think both my main clients wouldn't be publishing anymore, and was panicking a little, but first the magazine came in and then I got a book proof this week. The magazine takes forever to pay, and the book publisher doesn't pay very well, but right now any work is welcome, after all that time where things were on hold because of printing places being shut down in China.

* My mental health is all over the board. There are days when I'm flat out suicidally depressed, and days when I'm better. I have the most hopeless feeling about what's going to happen after this, because right now people are acting like they're bored with this thing and hey, it's inconveniencing me so who cares about the 76,000 people who'd died in this country alone, and just ignoring the facts. I don't see the country making any better decisions about its future. Which is part of why I am so quiet--I just don't feel like there's any future, but I don't want to get my depression cooties all over everyone.

* I have been able to see the local gang over zoom, but it's not a great substitute for seeing people in person. I miss hanging out and seeing everyone's pets and eating food together, and mlyn stopped by for some lilacs and I wished so much I could hug her at least but couldn't. And I have never been a hugger! But now I just wish I could hug everyone.

* Part of it is being cut off now from everyone--the bridge in and out of here is closed for years, they don't know if it can be salvaged for a short term solution or what, but once people start going back to work, getting out of this little peninsula will be untenable. It's already difficult, and when I went for my CT scan, it took forever to go south and then back north again, then across the industrial district to the freeway, and of course, the bridge went up so I had to sit there baking in the car, worried about being late. I basically won't be able to easily see anyone without having at least an extra couple hours or more to spare so that I can get out of here, and the bus service is so awful that I won't be really able to, like, take a bus to anyone's house without multiple transfers and riding it late at night through sketchy neighborhoods for about a four-hour trip. It makes me feel all the more hopeless, and no one will want to buy a house over here so there goes any hope of getting Seattle area prices if I sell to get out, which means I won't be able to afford anyplace that isn't, like, redneckville out in the sticks.

* I would like to sign up for intoabar but I can't figure out who to sign up with! I loved last year's, but I just don't know what to do. I'm also trying to decide if I should do the Marvel Reverse Big Bang. I miss it being focused on Captain America, but it would be nice to have something to work on. Though I asked about whether I should try writing this thing I've been thinking of for a while and whether I should post it as a WIP or not, and people seemed to mistake it for asking if I should write something and no one addressed whether I should do it as a WIP. ::hands:: I'm sure it'd be very long, and I'd be more likely to try to finish if I knew people were reading it. But I also know people often hate WIPs and then they never read them, even if they're finished, because they forget once it's done.

Anyways, it's gonna be 84/29 here today and everyone is apparently mowing their lawns so listening to that with the windows open is making me twitchy, and I should get to work on my book and stop depressing everyone. I hope you are all faring better, and am grateful for your updates. How is your weekend?

It's surprising how many songs I've vidded work perfectly in a pandemic playlist. (Though I'm currently trying to decide if I should add to this already REM-heavy set with World Leader Pretend, because the refrain about building a wall and knocking it down, while positive, keeps reminding me of the radioactive sphincter in the white house.) REM: the artists of choice for the great contagion. Unfortunately, Spotify doesn't carry one of my fave songs for this, so while I'm uploading it to make it available on my own devices, I'm sure it won't show up for other people.

In an effort to distract myself, I will pick up on that top 5 meme and offer that up: ask me my Top 5 anything and I will answer.

At some point, I have to go out to the drugstore for my meds, because they don't deliver. As far as I can tell, they don't even bring them to your car in the parking lot, and young people seem to be especially shitty about doing anything social distancing wise. Really looking forward to that.

I thought things couldn't get any worse, but then the only really simple way into my part of town, the West Seattle high-rise bridge, was shut down for possibly many many months, and the low drawbridge beneath it will only be open to freight and first responders. So the only way out of here, once people start going back to work, will be to go to a water taxi into downtown, one that has no actual bus service beyond a couple in the morning and a couple in the evening, during rush hour one-way each time period, and no places to park, or driving south on two-lane roads and then driving north, in one case over a bridge that's been on a waiting list for significant repair for years. It's already difficult to get people to come over here, like services (I can't tell you how many times I've tried to get typical service people for normal things, and been told they don't come to West Seattle), but I know this will mean a lot of people will curtail deliveries to the area, at a time when we are woefully understocked on necessities. We're always the last area to get city services, too, and since all the shipping freight comes through the docks that ring the harbor below that bridge, there will be hundreds of semis lined up every day.

This will be a nightmare on top of a nightmare. We have no hospitals, they've always just figured that since it's a straight shot across the waterway to First Hill, where all the hospitals and medical services are, we didn't need one. We're basically parallel to downtown, but completely cut off from it. And it was announced without warning, with no plans or concrete information, and only a press briefing a couple days from the announcement and immediate shutdown, which still hasn't happened. The director of transportation is a white guy who changed his last name to Zimbabwe. Which I suppose says it all--he's never come across as even remotely competent, especially when we were dealing with the shutdown last year of northbound Hwy. 99, which connected most of us west and south residents to downtown and north of there. He's a complete buffoon--they've known about it for months, I guess, the cracks look terrible, but they just...suddenly shut it down with four hours' warning.

Sometimes I really don't know if I want the end times to claim me and just get it over with.

Hey, cooking side of my flist: In an effort to try to make more things I can have multiple meals of so I don't have to go out as much, I've been dusting off some favorite recipes. The big problem is one I regularly have--I live alone, I don't eat much (which is why it's so infurating that I'm so fat), and I get instantly sick of things once I've had them a couple times in a row. There are very few things I can stand to eat multiple meals of, but I'm trying to minimize trips to the grocery, so this is a conundrum.

I know I can freeze things, but my freezer is small and again, things go bad before I want to eat them once more. I have to regularly throw stuff out because it goes bad in the fridge, gets chunks of ice crystals and gross old-freezer taste in the freezer, or gets rancid in the cupboards. I'm just a terrible cook and easily discouraged, too, which is part of the problem, and I also don't eat meat much at home by myself.

One of my favorite recipes is for this slow-cooker beer braised pork shoulder in black beans, and I bought everything to make it last night, but since I'm trying to go to the store at night, the meat guys are long gone and can't give me a custom amount (my slow cooker is enormous, so that's not where my issue lies). So the smallest pork shoulder I could get was 2-1/2 pounds, but I only need 1-1/2 pounds. If I try to use the full amount, would it mess up the recipe of one pound of black beans and two bottles of beer + water and adobo sauce? Would I have to cook it longer?

I could cut it myself, down to the required 1-1/2 pounds, and freeze the rest, though if I tried to make it again with only one pound, would that also screw things up because I was missing a half pound? I don't know how to adjust things, to be honest, and whether amounts make that much difference in a slow cooker. Basically, I don't know how to handle this giant slab of meat since it's not the correct quantity.

One other thing I was considering is I saw a high end cake box mix for a coconut cake, but they only give instructions for cook times and temps for two round pans, and I don't have round pans. I'm way too poor to buy new round pans, but I was considering treating myself and making a coconut cake, yet I don't know what the temp/cook times would be if I put the batter in a 13x9 pan. Would it be best to follow their instructions, and just get the pans even though I really shouldn't?

It's hard to prep when you're kind of a disaster human with regard to food. Thanks for any advice.