Things have been weird and hectic the past week. I got a new foster dog named Buffy (seriously), and she's been pretty neglected/abused, so it's been hard getting a handle on things -- plus the fact that our rescue group had a huge intake of kitties from a shelter in Eastern Washington, as well as more dogs in care than we've ever had before (there are over 100 animals in foster right now), so I wasn't getting much information or help on dealing with her. But I had to take her in for an evaluation and to figure out what to do about this growth on her foot, and they said she had mammary tumors as well, and a heart murmur (she also has cataracts, and they were figuring there would be teeth extractions). Poor kid. She lost most of the fur on her back due to a flea infestation/allergy. She's kind of a wreck.
But she had surgery yesterday, and I brought her home last night. I actually thought she was going to die last night; it was a long night. She was so listless and seemed to be suffering so much. I finally was getting into bed when she popped up and came over to me, so I let her have a little water and then we went outside for potty, which she was surprisingly good about. I put her "Adopt Me" shirt on and get her back into bed and covered up with a blankie, but she wouldn't take any food. Cut to this morning when the cleaners came really early and she was out there barking and dancing as they came in, seemingly quite hale and hearty. The blood seepage has stopped, and she seems quite fine. I have to very gingerly pick her up with all the sutures and stuff, but she wanted to go on a walk this afternoon, so things are looking good. Wow, she hates the cone of shame. I'm really afraid a senior dog in this condition isn't going to get any adoption applications, but...we'll see.
I was pretty stressed out about the surgery, but I went out with friends Tuesday night to the most amazing dinner at a restaurant called Copperleaf, in the most unexpected place -- down near the airport, kind of a class-free zone for most of my life. kerithwyn
was in town and suggested it, as it's her favorite place, and so a bunch of us met up and feasted the evening away. I really needed that, because I'd been kind of making myself ill with worry.
Not just about the dog, either -- I had talked to my friend Keith and found out that in the past couple of months he'd had a kidney transplant and pancreas transplant. I mean...he never called to tell me that, and I had made him swear he would tell me when he got the call about a kidney, and he's been in the hospital twice for dangerous unexplained fevers, which scares the bejesus out of me. I was all set to fly out so I could take care of him, too, and I just... It's very hard to be far away from someone you love when such a monumental thing is happening. And he's far from out of the woods, so we have to wait a while and see how everything is taking, and hope for no more reactions.
I had talked to him right after I was vibrating with upset, too -- I got a new iMac a few weeks ago and finally started getting it set up this past weekend. I found out, though, much to my horror, that I cannot install Final Cut Studio 2 (FCP 6) on the computer. It won't install PowerPC discs, I guess, and so that meant I could not vid. I don't have the budget to buy a new version of FCS either. I found out that people have been able to get 6 to run on Mountain Lion, but they had to do either something with Rosetta from the Snow Leopard install discs (which I don't have) or command line stuff in Terminal (which I am not competent to do, and they warn people it's dangerous if you don't know what you're doing). In order to complete my Festivids, I'm going to have to keep my old computer up and running, but that upsets me and stresses me out.
I have always kind of felt borderline OCD, and I think I could easily tip over into that. My issue is having clutter and space -- it panics me when there is too much stuff around me, when it's disorganized. I'm typing this on my new computer, in fact, and I'm crammed over to the side of my desk with these two huge monitors looming at me, and cords everywhere, and it just kind of makes me twitchy and sick in my stomach. People I know sneer at me for my needing white space issue and make fun of me about it, but it's a very real stressor for me. I know keeping both computers around is the easiest solution, but it's very upsetting right now. And I honestly don't know what to do about this vidding thing.
I also found out, after the fact, that Apple no longer provide iDVD with the Macs. Fuckers. They believe that everyone's doing cloud sharing, I guess. There are so many FAIL issues with that I can't even. I wrote a nasty letter about it but I'm sure I'll never hear back. On the forums, people are so angry, but at least I found out that some people are buying iLife11 and getting it to work with Mountain Lion -- I hope that's true because right now I'm pretty fucked, and I have to make DVDs for things. I'm so filled with rage at Apple right now, and I've been a lifelong loyalist to them, even in the dark years. I get wanting to push the tech forward, but this idea that cloud use is the only future is just bogus bullshit. (And don't get me started on the whole issue of keeping your own content, service providers disappearing and lost content, and all that shit.)
So yeah, I was in a predisposed state of unhappiness when I talked to Keith, and then finding out he came pretty close to croaking...arg. I guess his kidneys (he has type I diabetes, and he's been getting sicker and sicker the past few years) were so bad that he was constantly sick and was a few weeks away from having to have dialysis. Scary shit, that.
To bring this around to obligatory day of thanks here in the US: I'm thankful for the foster dogs that have crossed my path this year, for the few friends I actually have left who keep me from taking a long walk on a short pier (especially for some of my friends I've met through fandom here, like killabeez
, you guys are the best (and I said this the other night to melina123
, but if it wasn't for Killa, I don't think I'd even be vidding or doing much fannishly, at this point, she has saved my life so many times with this stupid hobby). I sometimes don't know what I'd do without all you people and my friends list at large. I am thankful, as well, that someone cared enough to be an organ donor so that in a time of tragedy and loss, someone else could get a future they wouldn't otherwise have had and stay in the world where they are loved and cherished.
I really battle depression most of the time, but this time of year it's especially hard. This is the first Thanksgiving I've gone through with all of my family gone, and I feel really lonely, even though in a few hours I'm heading up to have a gourmet dinner at killabeez and mr. killabeez's place. It's just hard to come to terms with the fact that they're all gone, and I'm the one remaining, the least competent to deal with it.
I think tonight when I get home I might, eschewing my Yuletide responsibilities that I haven't even begun yet, just watch some found family entertainment like Community and Firefly. Cuddle up with Miss Buffy and try not to be too sad.
Here's a pic, btw, of Miss Buffy (before I gave her a bath and cut some of the mats from her fur, so she's a little scraggly).