Save my life and I'll save yours

[gwyn]

Haven't been able to do the positivity meme day 4 because I just don't have anything positive. I am basically consumed with feeling worthless and pointless and wondering why I spend so much time creating fan works. And then on top of that, I'm working on this awful misogynistic thriller book, of course written by a man, where we're supposed to feel sorry for the serial killer because of the abuse he suffered that created his pathology. That kind of thing really doesn't help your depression.

1. I am going to a hockey game tonight with raveninthewind so that's at least one thing.

2. Got all my hotels lined up for DC and NYC.

3. It looks like I'll be able to meet up with dorinda and kerithwyn while I'm in DC, so yay.

Comments

[sholio]

Maybe this would be a good time to mention that I absolutely loved Dark Approach and have had it sitting open in a tab FOREVER to give feedback, because I read it in my Kindle while I was overnighting in the hospital last month and by the time I got to where I had proper Internet access, I had forgotten most of what I wanted to comment on and decided I needed to reread it in order to comment properly. Although the one thing I really specifically wanted to mention is how much I adored the ... let's see, how to phrase this, the way the story focuses on love in all its manifestations rather than getting bogged down in jealousy or prioritizing one kind of love above another kind. I absolutely loved that. And I really owe you a long comment!

[gwyn]

Oh, you are so sweet. I just…I know a lot of it is the depression talking, but the more I work on things, the worse they are. I spend a lot of time rewriting and editing, and it just makes me so hopeless about fixing things. I wish I could be one of those people who seem to write just fine and then slap something up and it's all good, but I can't, and then I put myself into an endless circle of "this is crap why bother." I do that with vids, too.

And then I think, oh, I'll work on my RL fiction, and I work on a crappy book like I have now, and I think "this is what's being published, what's the point in trying to make a good story."

Speaking of fic, I was so excited to see your new long story I could hardly stand it -- but I'm making myself stand it, because I have a looong flight coming up and most of the hotels don't have free wi-fi, so I'm DLing it to savor on my trip. I can't wait!

[sholio]

I hope you enjoy it! \o/

And nahhhh, don't feel bad about it, I have those days too. ♥ I just felt in this particular case like I really SHOULD say something because I've had that tab open forever with the intent of writing you a long comment, but I haven't managed to pull it together yet!

[grammarwoman]

I think your fan works are amazing, and I offer you sympathetic *hugs* if you'd like them, from someone else who's been down for a while.

[gwyn]

Oh, thank you. I will always take hugs.

And, um, I saw you mention in copperbadge's LJ on the What's Your Number? story that you may have made a supercut version of that movie, and I wondered…do you by any chance have it in a shareable form? ::whistles nonchalantly:: I may wish to subscribe to your newsletter. I stupidly deleted it from my tifaux a long time ago, and I've had such a hankering for it lately but was too cheap to buy it, so I recorded it from a regular cable channel and they of course blurred out the butts and stuff, and then completely cut Anthony Mackie's "one here, one here, one up here" scene. There are parts of the movie that cause me pain, but it's mitigated by Chris Evans's body for the most part.

[grammarwoman]

Hm...Let me see what I can do. Did you want the supercut, or the whole thing? Or both?

I can't make any promises about getting it to you in a timely fashion, because I'm about to take off on a business trip and be gone for a week, plus I need to track down a site for large *ahem*s. I will let you know when I've worked out something! :)

[grammarwoman]

*whistles* Have an ahem. It's in 6 parts that you can rejoin with an application like Hjsplit.

Sorry there's no Mackie, but it's pretty much every moment that Evans is on screen. Hope you like it!

[gwyn]

Oh wow, thank you so much. I'd kind of forgotten about this, accepting that I needed to bite the bullet and buy myself a copy in case I got assigned it for Festivids, but this is great. Now I can just watch the fave bits.

Thank you SO MUCH. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

[grammarwoman]

:) I support people in the wish to gaze all over Evans in various states of undress and adorkability, which is IMHO what this movie was made for.

[killabeez]

*glomps you and simultaneously makes you a Cosmo*

[gwyn]

I will drink to that!

[kass]

I send love.

(And I love your fan works! ♥)

[gwyn]

Thank you!! I hope you're having a lovely Yom Kippur, too, sweetie.

[nagasvoice]

((hugs)) dunno if it helps, but I do hear from folks who comment that sometimes they write stuff they're sure is utter garbage, and then they fly through something happily sure it's great, and...it's not the way they thought when they come back to either piece much later. No sense of proportion about the general quality of their own work? Or perhaps an over-critical editorial tape loop in their heads when they're depressed, doesn't allow well enough for the standards they maintain all the time in, despite whatever crummy mental or physical state they happen to be in.
Which is me saying, you do good writing and we would love to see more and please accept more hugs!

[sperrywink]

I hope you feel better sometime soon. It sucks to be so consumed with bad thoughts. Guilt is my main one, ugh.

I love your fanworks! I have moved out of my reading phase, but you know I love your vids! I hope your feelings allow you to still create as time goes on. {{{hugs}}}

Give Raven my best and enjoy the hockey game!

I hope your trip East goes smashingly! Sorry I can't get together- my life is too uncertain at the moment.

[tavella.livejournal.com]

Hey, there's some good things up ahead at least. Sorry you are feeling so down.

[batwrangler.livejournal.com]

I hope you have a good time at the game and on your trip. (I'm trying to get out from under the metaphorical avalanche that buried me back in June but not, you know, break myself more in the process. It's hard.) *hugs*

[destina.livejournal.com]

I'm going to go make a comment on a thing and explain to you why you make fanworks. So you'll have it for reference purposes. *g*